Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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