How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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