Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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