I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
