Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
