Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
