thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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