I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
