i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
