Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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