i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
