apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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