you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
