Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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