I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
