Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
