I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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