im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I believe in your delicious
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
