i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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