She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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