Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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