I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
