I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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