drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
