My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
