So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
