Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
