I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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