sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
