You can't special order awesome
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
