Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
