Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
