Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
