In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
