dude i'm inner monologue high
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
