honey bunches of taint.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How does one acquire holy water?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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