remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
