I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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