remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
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One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
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And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize