my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Found your dick twin last night
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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