So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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