So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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