Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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