Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
