Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
