So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
