I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
