yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
