wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
