my mouth tastes like poor choices
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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