He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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