My friends, they love my intelligence
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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