And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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