Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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