Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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