I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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