I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So many bounce houses so little time
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
