...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
