I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
