Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
