He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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