He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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