I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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