what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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