If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
