The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
