i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
