Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
