There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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