Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
