Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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