He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize