alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
