I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
