White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
