There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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