there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
this will be a night to untag.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
