what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
