I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
