Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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