i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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