what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
