My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
